If you have a sex toy, should you stop seeing other people and hooking up with them? This a difficult question to answer mainly because different people want different things. While almost everyone wants physical pleasure, some people need it with emotional intimacy. So for the sex and relationships go hand in hand. But this isn’t the only way of seeing things. Neither is this how all relationships universally work. So it would be better if we begin considering different things:
Advantages of using a sex toy
When we are talking about the advantages of using a sex toy, we are talking about it in comparison with having relationships. So:
- Sex toys are convenient: If you are not in the mood for the whole wining and dining scenario before getting to the sex then sex toys will help you get the job done. Sure, there are plenty of people who would love to get down to business but even that takes work and you certainly have to dress up, go to a club or even open up tinder, chat a little before getting that person. You don’t need to put any of that investment into sex toys. A little lube will get the work done and you won’t even have to change into your Sunday finest. Unless that’s your thing. To make you more comfortable around sex toys, you can few several types in this collection.
- Sex toys are freeing: Everyone wants to get off, but sometimes hands don’t do the job and other times people don’t want to invest in meeting other people. That’s where sex toys come in. You can get a quickie or take as much time you want to get what you want. After all, no one knows you better than yourself.
Why is it better to hook-up with other people?
Sex toys sure have some advantages going for them but hooking up with real live people also has some benefits like:
- Getting to know people: Sure you can jump into bed with people and leave after the work gets done but most often than not that’s not how it works. Most people like to go to clubs, pubs, and dates to know the person they initially liked. This is a necessary step before people sleep with someone. It also makes people feel safe because they know the person they are hooking up with.
- Getting emotional intimacy: Many people can’t sleep with another person without having some kind of emotional intimacy with them. They can orgasm but they feel empty without the heart-to-heart connection. So for the sex toys tend to feel even more empty and it ends up being nothing more than a mechanical way to find release before going off to sleep.
This may not be true for everyone but many do like to be with another person more and would even get rid of their toys for them.
Is there a middle ground?
Can you have the best of both worlds? Is it possible to enjoy sex toys and also hooking up with other people? It’s possible. But it’s a little tricky because sometimes partners don’t appreciate using sex toys. This can be about using sex toys on them while they are intimate or their partners using the toys on themselves. Generally, these people don’t like sex toys because they think that it’s weird. This weirdness can come from many areas. Like:
- The stigma of sex toys: Sex toys may be a booming industry, but it’s still taboo in conservative circles. So popping this question to your partner can be quite awkward in the least and explosive in the worst-case scenarios. Your partner may think that you are weird for using a sex toy and may think of you as a sex maniac. This may, in turn, hurt how you view yourself and sex.
- Challenging traditional masculinity: Traditional rules of masculinity kind of states that (it’s an unspoken and unwritten rule of course) that men are the only ones who can give women orgasms. But a sex toy may make them feel replaced and that too by a toy of all things. This may make them feel like they don’t have any use. These things happen because of the perception of what sex is varied for different people. Sex means different things for different people. For some it’s intimacy while for others it’s a feel-good thing etc, the list goes on. So if a couple is not on the same page regarding it and doesn’t talk it out then it can cause problems in bed.
This feeling of weirdness can lead the other partner who uses sex toys to feel embarrassed. Women, especially have been duly culturally conditioned to see their desires are embarrassing, so this only adds to that. So what is the solution here? It’s simple and that is to find someone who is on the same page with you regarding the use of sex toys. Here what you can do to broach the subject of using sex toys:
- Have a conversation: Having a frank and clear conversation with your hook up partner will save you a lot of trouble later on. Don’t make it sound like something intimidating. Instead, ensure that it feels fun and exciting. But most importantly, emphasize on the fact it’s something both of you can do together to have fun.
- Try other ways:For many people, the above direct way doesn’t work. So you have to go in a roundabout manner with them. It can be showing them your toys first and then initiating the conversation or some other way. Not every method is going to work on every person after all.
But, you should keep in mind that not everyone will be open to the idea of using sex toys during sex. Traditional reservations and personal biases are hard to overcome. But that’s not your job to correct. In such cases, a sex toy will be better than hooking up with those people. At least that toy won’t ever judge you, and it will give you pleasure.